It's complicated!

I have nearly lost my mind a few times these past few weeks.

How I am holding onto my sanity - is beyond me.

Between finding a place to stay and then moving in at the very last minute to an uninhabitable place, to my (ex) house mate being downright rude to me on move out day, to work being an absolute nightmare.

The situation between MC & QT has been playing on my mind alot and all came to a head the other night.

Let me just state for the record that QT is unbelievable.

This man is awesome and I cant say enough how I wish he was older.

I had a bad week last week and the only thing that got me through it was QT. He is quitely supportive and oh so sweet.

I have been considering putting a holt on my relationship whatever you want to call it with MC. There is not much going on besides our conversations.

Yet I cant break the hold he seems to have on me. I cant imagine my life without MC.

QT was never supposed to be any more than wishful thinking on my side, then when we hooked up, I thought it was a flash in the pan.

Now I know it isn't.

I want QT in my life always - I guess deep down I know nothing will ever come of it because of he age gap - yet I hope to be there to watch him grow into the amazing man I know he is destined to become.

I am jealous of the girl who will get him 1 day.

I have been so worried about QT getting hurt - so when he told me he knew - I was devastated that he might be hurt and then so relieved when he seemed ok with it.

He then asked me to be his girlfriend - oh man how I wish I could say yes!

But that just gives me more of a chance to hurt him - and I am avoiding that all costs!

So instead I have now changed my status on Facebook - "its complicated"

That sums it up!