I walk the streets alone - forever?

Blog everyday in May - Day 7: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

Sounds silly, but every since I was a little girl I can remember crying myself to sleep at the thought that I would lose my parents. 

It is the natural order for our parents to go first, but I shudder to think at how I will react when that moment comes. I am a strong person, but I am very afraid that I will just fall apart when this happens and I am not sure if I am strong enough to handle it.

Worse still, my parents stay on a smallholding with little security and my biggest fear is that they are murdered as is so common in their area.

I suppose I just need to have faith that they will be protected and live to a ripe old age whereafter they will die of natural causes in their sleep.

I am also afraid that I will end up alone. With nobody to share my life.

I wonder if unbeknownst to me, there is a flaw in my personality that makes men want me as a friend but not deem me good enough as a life partner? What is it about me that interests them initially but makes them leave me for better prospects?

From being engaged at 19 and realising I was too young for marriage, then possibly turning away the man who might just be "The one that got away" at 24, to turning down a proposal at 25,  I suddenly find myself all alone at 33 (34 at the end of the month)

What happened to all the men who were throwing themselves at my feet not so long ago?

Did I turn 1 too many away? Did they tire of waiting for me to sow my "wild oats"?

Phew! Who knew this would turn into such an introspective post?

Challenges Remaining:

Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill. 
Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory