Things I miss....

1. Talking to MC on the phone
2. My waistline
3. GF
4. Hugs from QT
5. Kisses from MBA
6. Eden concerts in the good old days where Johan used to wave at me from stage
7. Boomie
8. My grandfather
9. Our yearly birthday cocktail ritual with BD
10. Vampire Diaries
11. Game nights
12. My Grans coffee
13. Believing in Father Christmas / Easter Bunny / Tooth Mouse
14. My place in Sunninghill
15. My clothes that dont fit me anymore
16. My pretty elephant bracelet I used to wear

Men!

After QT & I ended it, we kinda hooked up again occasionally for a movie and a bit of action.

That dwindled off as he got into the party scene with his friends again (he is only 22 after all) & as I found out on Facebook the other day - he is also "ina relationship" but it is complicated.

I started my mini "thing" with Cutie (also 22) & soon broke it off when I realised I was going nowhere with it.

Let's be honest - you need true passion if you are going to be with someone - and that is something that is sorely lacking in my life at the moment.

MC has let me down and I am currently debating whether or not to cut him out of my life once and for all.

He came up with a great idea to go away for our birthdays because we are a week apart. I loved the idea and did some research into possible accommodations.

I have always wanted to stay in the cutest little treehouses which also boast a private jacuzzi bath in another little tree linked by a walkway.

The treehouses are along the Midlands Meander, and because MC is from that area, I would fly to him and we could drive there.

It is a bit pricey, but I am prepared to stay there a night or 2 and spend the rest of the week at his place where we can laze about and watch dvds and eat popcorn.

I am still waiting for him to commit to anything. Seriously?!

It p!sses me off that this was his idea to begin with & now he just ignores me when I ask him what is happening.

A night or 2 is not too hard on the pocket- surely a night or 2 is not unrealistic if he had considered what budget he would need for a week away.

I have pretty much given him an ultimatum on the holiday - but I have now decided that the ultimatum will extend to our friendship/relationship as well.

I will not be messed around by anybody - he has a few days to give me his decision & if I hear nothing from him, then that is over.

I am crazy about him. But I am not crazy

Cocktails, Men & Fun

My year ended and began with:

• A marriage proposal
• An adultery proposal
• A sex proposal

3 different men. None of them QT

How's that for surreal?

I have never been a fan of New Years Eve parties, but 2010 was a fun ending for me.

I spent the morning with Bebe, we made some breakfast and had a lazy morning chatting.

I went home and being alone my thoughts naturally drifted again to QT.

I was feeling quite maudlin until I arrived at J's house to spend the evening with him and Li. J made us pizza dough (from scratch) and we made up our custom pizzas which we cooked in the Weber.



The heart pizza is mine - before going into the fire



Pizza 1 - good enough to eat - & I did!

Some delicious Alto Rouge accompanied our pizza feast. We played Scene It ( a movie quiz) on X Box and had a blast.

I got to bed at 2:30 and I had a twinge of sadness, but overall, I was happy that I got to see in the new year with some good friends.

My first day of 2011 ended with a lovely evening spent with my parents. We had some dinner and really good laughs and I find myself appreciating these special moments with my parents more and more.

It was only the 3 of us - once I get married it won't just be the 3 of us - and as much as I long for the day I can finally have my husband share these special times with my folks & me - I am glad I have these memories.

Why am I still feeling sadness?

My confidence has taken a bit of a knock.

No girl wants to admit that a guy who was totally crazy about her, gradually decided that he didn't want her anymore.

I keep wondering what I could have done differently, should I have said this or that... the usual.

Yes I have said before that it is probably best we ended it - but it still doesnt make the sting of rejection any easier. It is still really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that someone decided I wasn't enough for them.

I am looking forward to moving on - I suppose it is the natural process of healing.... and I look forward to getting though a whole day without constantly thinking about him and missing him.

At my age - You dont spend 9 months of your life with someone not to be hurt when it doesnt work out.

Bring on 2011:
There are cocktails to be drank, men to be met and fun to be had!!

*In case you are wondering: I turned all 3 proposals down!

Even Social Butterflies need a Cocoon....

source

I have been on leave since Friday and I have been busy with a whirlwind of activities.

As busy as I am... 1 side of me is loving it with a passion, and the other side of me is... lonely.

My social life has always been busy, but when QT & I started dating in Feb, I started enjoying the quieter side of having someone to snuggle with instead of always being out on the town.

I did get a little bored and wanted a bit of excitement - now I have it and I am lonely - whatever happened to a Happy Medium?

What has Flirty been doing (& plans to do) with her time?

• Friday 10 Dec: Got my 1st Christmas present (handmade by a lady I work with) & put up a Christmas tree at T & G's place. As a reward for my help, I was treated to champagne, dinner and dessert and delicious coffee.

•  Sat 11 Dec: Went to visit QT, went to a Baby Shower hosted by my friend and very talented (part time) business event planner partner AC, and ...

  

        

Favours





Flowers





Table decor

...attended our annual Christmas Party, alas nobody stole anyone's presents - always good for some laughs

All the presents opened

Mine - All mine!

•  Sun 12 Dec: Went to watch Rock On Beethoven at The Barnyard Theatre at Cresta. I love these shows as they usually have really good performers who sing all the hits and by the end of the show you are up and clapping with the rest of them. Clint outdid himself with the variety of food on offer - Camembert & blueberries, Kiri Cream cheese & Italian salami, Blue Cheese (yuck) and Nougat. Teamed with a Nederberg Rose, my taste buds were in heaven! And I got to drive his Volvo C30, aka The Twilight Car. I LOVE that car!

• Mon 13 Dec: Begin the Xmas shopping & have breakfast with QT and....

Update: Yes I have seen him. He told me the other day that the real reason he ended it was because I told him I needed to talk. He thought I was going to break up with him so he ended it first to avoid being hurt. 
I was stunned and even more disappointed. Again he shows that he would rather give up what we had than risk being hurt.
I suppose I shouldn't judge him for his immaturity - I knew his youth and naivete would factor into our relationship sooner or later. 
We had agreed to be friends (we were for a while before we began dating) and it has been ok for me. I didn't know if I wanted to remain friends and gave us space for a few weeks. I made the contact and I enjoy that we still have such an easy rapport.
The mistake was that we shared such a "normal" day, he called me "babe" by mistake and I caught him giving me the adoring looks. Later when I left, I felt like I was going through the break up all over again and cried all the way home.
He left to go to Ballito today, which will give me time out. He only returns in January.
Would we ever get back together? I am not sure - he "broke" us, I am not sure it can be fixed.
Never say never and all that... time will give us the answer.

...had dinner with Bebe at Melrose Arch - the decorations are in full force and it is breathtakingly beautiful.

We went for a milkshake after dinner at the Protea Fire & Ice. If you haven't yet experienced it, you have to go! Milkshake choices range from Lindt chocolate, Oreo cookies, Tutti Fruiti etc etc etc (the list is huge!) If you are not ravenous, make sure you order the half pint, or else you end up with a fishbowl full of milkshake!

The restaurant is Hollywood Vintage - I am aching to have a dress up cocktail party at this venue.
Black and white photos of the stars, mirrors and chandeliers everywhere - the perfect venue for my dream photo shoot.

• Tues, 13 Dec: Met AC for a divine lunch at YuMe - a new Japanese restaurant at Monte Casino (Thanks SwissMiss for this referral)

I was blown away by the huge choice of food on the menu - most of all their sushi.
Ordinary to the extra-ordinary. I ate Springbok Carpaccio California rolls filled with Cream Cheese and Parmesan, Prawn, Shrimp, Chives and Cream Cheese Dim Sum and some tempura prawns ended off with some Salmon Strawberry and Cream Cheese california rolls YUM - MEEEE!
The sushi is fresh and the staff and management are friendly, but non-intrusive. I guarantee you will struggle to find better sushi/dim sum etc here.
Don't eat sushi/Dim Sum? Create your own noodle dish - choose your noodles, ingredient and sauce - what is not to like?
CTFM - eat your heart out (while we eat at the competition)

I spent the rest of the day Christmas shopping. This year I am cutting costs (I love Christmas so much but tend to go overboard spoiling my loved ones) only shopping for my parents and my brother and my nephew (arriving in March)
In my Santa's bag are:

1. Bright pink Shox speaker for mom to connect to her Blackberry and use it as a car radio
2. Donna Mia (replica of Bachio and 3 times cheaper) bead - purple and pink butterfly - mom
3. Dad got an MP3 player (R199 at Clicks) with a silver Shox speaker. He travels to Cape Town and Durban on a regular basis and needs some music to keep him company - also no car radio
4. Meal voucher for my brother and his girlfriend - they could do with a night out and all their money is being spent on the baby room etc. A pram costs R3000 (I could get 2 or 3 Guess handbags for that amount!) and I bought a pewter baby frame for Babba's 1st picture.
5. Little jeans, a Tigger top and cute bibs (each 1 has a cute phrase) for Noah
   
   
   

.... I was supposed to meet Hot Rod for dinner but then he decided to change it to an early drink because he had other plans. I cancelled.
If you make dinner plans with me, don't cut them short because you have now made other business plans. Not on.
Instead I have spent a very enjoyable evening catching up on my regular blog fix, with a Woolies mushroom and cheese burger, a cup of hot coffee and a warm, fluffy purring cat on my lap. Pure.Bliss.

• Wed 15 Dec: Housework and car cleaning - could it get any worse?

Actually lets be more specific about the car cleaning, I actually cleaned and waxed the car - What. Was. I. Thinking? Think Wax on. Wax Off - wax off... again. This was a mission and a half! At lest now I have a streaky clean car
I also took my shoes in to have heel rubbers replaced and dropped a stack of books at the 2nd hand bookstore.
I finally removed all 5 license disks and replaced them with the current one. The only thing I didn't do, was to get my tyre fixed. A random puncture has me driving on my spare tyre again.
Tee finally left asshole and moved out completely. I am so proud of her. After threatening the end of our friendship I think she got the picture.
We went out to celebrate last night & had cocktails and curry at Kai Thai. There is a new book store in Monte Casino called Skoobs. Awesome shop!
They have fishtanks and a lift with gorgeous High (high!)back chairs to sit and read.
My favourite? They serve Starbucks coffee which you can enjoy as you watch the people walking by, and they have a wall where you can write anything you like and peg it to the line.
My contribution: Don't mess with a Princess

G5 phoned Tee the entire night and eventually I was so angry I took the phone and told him that she has left him, he is no longer a part of her life and he must get his own. He started shouting at me, I told him Get a Life and put the phone down.
I am really getting tired of this harrassment and frankly, plain pathetic behaviour from him.Tee needs him to sign papers releasing her from her bond payments, and I think we need to start getting tough and get a lawyer to help him along - unless any of you know a good Bouncer?

• Thurs 16 Dec: It's raining today - I plan to stay in bed and read - I chose this over housework. Yes, I am a terrible housewife!
• Upcoming:
• Fri 17 Dec: Meet my friend T (not to be confused with Tee) for breakfast and show her how Blackberry and Facebook work.

Visit RaceCar at Dialysis - this was a regular Sat occurrence until he changed his hospital. Seeing as I am off I have time to drive there.
Take my parents out for dinner to thank them in advance for housing myself and Shez when she comes to stay next week.

• Sat 18 Dec: Spend the entire day watching Harry Potter from the beginning & playing games. Spending the night to give us more time!
• Sun 19 Dec: Spending the day with M, he is housesitting and car watching for his friend - not any car, a Porsche! So we are going joyriding - where can we go? I suggested driving to Durban (only a 6 hour drive) ha ha ha - I wish! Still have to come up with a destination. Dullstroom maybe? Can stop for pancakes and get some cure Christmas ornaments at the Christmas shop... mmmh - that could be a plan. will keep you posted
• Mon 20 Dec: A whole lot of nothing (I hope) Although we all know I can't resist spending time with my friends if the opportunity presents itself.
• Tues 21 Dec: Catching up with Links and drinking wine in her heated pool.
• Wed 22 Dec: Shez arrives and the madness begins!

So much for resting this holiday, I guess it stops me from thinking about QT and being single.

An Update...

It's been a month since QT and I split up. Some days are really hard in that I miss him.
I was going through my FB messages to clear my inbox out and I found our messages where we first started our flirtation. 11 Dec is a year ago.
I also funnily enough found a message where I told him that I have only 1 New Years resolution - to find a decent boyfriend with the following qualities:

Wicked sense of humour like me, not childish
Intelligent
Loves animals
Willing to watch the occassional girly movie with me. 
Someone who is affectionate with me and understands my quirkiness.

Scary how I pretty much described QT to a tee. Makes me sad when I read our old messages. Sad that good things end.
I know it was the right thing to do and in the end we never did want the same things, which we both knew.

I have been keeping busy: M - he and I dated for a few months in highchool and remained friends. I have pretty much avoided his calls these last few years because I did not want him to see how much weight I have put on since then.
I saw him again a few weeks ago. I remembered why we got along so well. He is fun and easy to talk to and he reminded me of who I was in highschool. Carefree and fun to be with because I didn't have responsibilities hanging over my head.
I am seeing him again for a movie, he makes me smile and that is always a good thing ;-)

Clint is another blast from my past. I dated him for a few months after meeting him on an internet dating site. He fell in love with me and I didn't feel the same way. I loved being with him though, he is a copy writer in advertising and has a few awards under his belt (including a Loerie)
He is super intelligent and sensitive and a great story teller. When he got too intense, I had to end it.

A year later we got in touch again and I saw him for dinner. Again, I had fun catching up and having some interesting dinner conversation.

If you haven't noticed this about me, I thrive on GREAT conversation. I love getting to know a person and listening to their views on life.
Nothing like intelligence and wit to have my rapt attention for hours.

My friend Shez is arriving from Australia on 22 December. I met her on Contiki in 2005 and she is finally coming to SA for a visit.

I am really excited to show her parts of SA, I really wish we had more time (and an unlimited credit card)
I am planning to take her to the Monte Casino Bird Gardens and perhaps catch the latest Pantomime at the Jhb Civic Theatre.
I have booked ourself a Canopy Tour in the Magaliesberg. I have always wanted to do this and Tee will be joining us. You sail on safety lines over the trees and rocks from 1 platform to another. I cannot wait!
We will go to my parents for Christmas and then travel to Parys to have lunch in Rubys - the little restaurant I have spoken of before where the decor is a decadent mix of Marilyn Monroe, Venetian masks and feather boas etc.
Gold Reef City is a theme park based on the mining industry that was so big in Jhb in years gone by, with fun rides such as Miner's Revenge, Tower of Terrot, The Jozi Express and the Anaconda.
We will also probably visit the Apartheid Museum which I believe is very interesting.

We have a busy schedule ahead and I am looking forward to it.

Boomie is still gone :-( My heart breaks for him. He was my big baby boy and I have so many happy memories with him. My whole morning routine is different without him and Squeaky's whole life is different too. I just can't imagine where he is and I really hope he is with a family who love him - the alternatives are too scary to contemplate.

Christmas shopping is on my to do list, I adore being able to spoil the ones I love and even though I am keeping it very small this year, I still cant wait to buy something for my mom and Dad, brother and close friends.

Career life has been busy.
We recently had our year end function - A Night at the Oscars and it was an absolute hit with the staff. I received lots of compliments. We handed out little gold Oscars to the winners who were anonymously voted for by their peers and I even put together a little music video complete with songs for each nominee.
We had a lovely venue in Morningside on a deck in the open. Our live band were illuminated by the moon behind them and it was such a stunning setting to eat and dance under the moonlight (thanks to the perfect Jhb weather that night)

Miss J is our new PA and even though she only started on 1 December, I just know she is going to crack it. She fits in really well with the ladies in the office and she has what it takes to deal with my boss.
I am finally able to concentrate on the million tasks that I have been given, but done nothing about. What I love about marketing is that it is more a creative job, not totally admin orientated and this is what I do best - creativity.

I go on leave in 1 week, and I am super excited. I need time to find myself. I need time to relax and stop stressing, as this stress is going to kill me (as I suspect it might have killed my mind already)

I hope in the new year that my salary will be looked at and my increase will be effected. I am still in the dark as to how much increase I will get.
Seeing as I will be homeless at the end of Feb, I also need to start looking for a new place to stay.

Break up Etiquette

So now that QT and I are over I have taken his photo out my wallet, I have changed my desktop background, I have removed the photo off my wall at work and I have taken off my "I love QT" keyring etc

What do I do with the keyring? Give it back to him and tell him to give it to his next girlfriend?

I also have a pair of his socks and he has my dressing gown, but surprisingly after 9 months together, we were both pretty good about keeping our stuff.
He had planned to keep an extra change of clothes at my house, I had planned to keep a pair of sunglasses in his car. We just never got around to it

So what do I do with the keyring? Dump it?

What do I do with his socks? Have a little reunion to do the swap?

I wrote to him on facebook this morning getting a few things of my chest:


Hi


I just can't help feeling that there are unsaid things from my side and I have to get them off my chest, otherwise they just build up into misplaced resentment. I can't help feeling hurt by a lot of the things you said to me and still am very disappointed by what you said because I still feel that there were issues that were blown up to become bigger than they should have been.


The point of this letter isn't to have a big back and forwards discussion about us because you had clearly made up your mind already - I just want to have my say to get it out:


For 9 months you were a huge part of my life and after my initial doubts, you and I worked so well. I was happy, you made me smile, you were open to trying things and doing things and I loved it




Somewhere along the line your racing became an issue and you were always tired and my job became an issue and my anaemia and I was always tired. And we stagnated and I got bored. The zoo was a spark that made me remember how we used to be- the stolen kisses in public, the sneaky bum grab, a hug from behind and a random kiss on my shoulder. My best was wrapping my arms around you and hugging and kissing you in the middle of nowhere


I think we forgot that we needed to go out and have fun and that no matter how much you wanted to sleep or I wanted to watch tv that that open air was good for us.



By becoming bored with our relationship, we fell into a rut that I don't think we even realised at first.

While I was away I knew we needed to regain the excitement that we had in the beginning. It wouldn't have been a huge effort to change it because we had it there before. All we had to do was remember. I was willing to and you weren't




I just want to thank you for everything these last few months QT. The bad things and issues between us are in the foreground now and are overclouding the good times, but that is the great thing about issues, you eventually forget about them and focus on the good times.


I had so much fun with you, I was so happy with you and I will never forget the happy memories we had together. I wish we had lasted longer because I think we had the potential.

He replied not long afterwards:

I don't want to give you my take on what I think because then its just going backwards and forwards like you said you didn't really want to do.


I just really want to thank you far everything and all the good times we had together. I had an awesome time with you and I hope you had a good time with me aswell. I also hope that in time we could still remain friends because you are such an awesome person and I don't wanna lose a friendship aswell.
 
That is that - I cant do or say anything else.
 
I dont know if I want to remain friends, right now it just hurts too much and why should he have my friendship when he didn't want me? (I almost wrote as much to him, but decided rather not to say anything)

I have to focus on moving past this in as mature a way as I can. Even though I feel like shouting and screaming at him just to get back at him for hurting me.

I just cant believe it is over.

Breakups....

.... are never easy

I miss QT
I am angry with QT
I am disappointed in him
I thought we were stronger, he didn't

I am going to miss the random kisses on my shoulder, the loving kisses while holding hands.
I am going to miss cuddling together watching Vampire Diaries or Supernatural
I am going to miss driving fast in his Subaru with the wind whipping my hair and the total exhileration of a fun day out with my boyfriend
I am going to miss the feeling of being able to call him to tell him about the stupid things in my life, because I know he is interested and wants to know all about my life
I am going to miss his smell

I wish I could phone him and tell him about the little kitten that is my temporary guest
I wish we had more time to do all the things I still wanted to do with him

I think we needed a relationship shake up because I was getting a bit bored
I didn't think we would break up

I don't know if this is the best thing for us - it might be

My Life....

... Sucks.

New girl walked out on us disappeared without a word or backward glance on 25 October - I am now the PA and Marketing person. 0800-I-DO-IT-ALL (except get paid)

My baby is still missing

QT & I broke up last night

How am I going to get through this?

Random Thoughts

QT's birthday was at the end of August - we eventually decided on the perfect gift for him - a pair of Oakley Oil Rigs. A few of us pitched in and I get great discounts from my former boss and I could also put it on account so that I am not bankrupted.
After having worked in an optometry pracice for 9 years we got to see which glasses were great quality and which weren't.
We underwent training on Oakley, Nike, Ray Ban, Serengheti, Adidas to name a few.

It was our 7 month anniversary yesterday - and I forgot... again! that is 3 times in a row - yet he still loves me. How lucky am I?

Couples massage was my Sunday surprise from QT. We have both been under pressure and in need of some pampering - so he booked us a neck and back massgae as well as a foot and leg massage. He kept it a secret right up until Sunday morning when I made him tell me. Good thing too - I had to de-fuzz my underarms and legs, or else the poor therapist would have gotten her hands cut on my dangerous stubble!
It was heavenly and made me wish I had more time to lie there!

I resisted temptation on a shopping spree with my Tee. We had breakfast at Primi Piatti (hashbrown, bacon and cheese with cherry tomatoe stack - YUM) and then we went into every single Home store you can think of: Mr Price Home, @ Home, Boardmans, Woolworths, Coricraft.
Tee bought a gorgous butterfly duvet cover - I kept joking that it was tacky because I loved it so much. ;-)
She also bought lovely new bath towels and matching mat (the exact mat I had my eye on the previous week) as well as a stunning vase.
I didnt buy a single things - I am serious about trying to get out of debt. I have even explored the option of selling some of my things to try get extra money.
Kalahari.net have a second hand goods section. I am going to try it out and see if I can get better value on my items than I would at Cash Converters for instance.
So far my list includes 1 long suede leather jacket, black biking leather jacket, variety of CDS, 1 or 2 pairs of shoes that I bought and wore once but they hurt me. I even have unused balls of wool and a hair iron that has also never been used.

My Ear is very slowly clearing up - I have to be very careful with it. Got a recurrent infection, but this time I used my infamous Tea Tree oil and blasted it out in 2 days. (Me and my Tee Tree oil are another story all together)

My Marketing position is taking forever to be announced. I flew to Cape Town yesterday for a marketing meeting and thought it would be announced there.
I am in the process of interviewing more ladies for the PA position - even thought I want the lady I originally interviewed - my boss loved her but wants to see other options - the problem is that there are no other options out there. everybody thinks they can be a PA - but it isnt a job for you unless you are 1 tough bitch quite strong.
So I can't officially celebrate with yummy cocktails until I have been officially appointed - you never can tell what could happen.

Both my orchid plants are showing signs of new life. QT bought me 1 when I was sick with my kidneys and it has 5 new buds.
My other orchid is a year old and is starting a brand new shoot.
I am so excited! I adore orchids.
I want a white one next, although I saw the most beautiful yellow orchid too. decisions decisions (for when I win the Lotto one day)

Remember my post HERE about my friend Tee who bought a house and moved in with her new loser boyfriend?
Well, she admitted that she was wrong - after he kicked her door in, held her down and pinched her and broke every single glass thing she owns.
And she is still living with him - albeit now as housemates, they each have their own room.
But she is now shopping for a steel reinforced door to protect herself. WTF? W. T. F???
We have all spoken to her about leaving him, being in the same house is so dangerous, but she insists that the house is a great investment. (More important than your safety? I dont think so)
She says she is helping him get help from a professional. i reckon a frying pan to the side of the head should do the trick.
Wondering what the next challenge is? I am working on a slightly different type of challenge that I hope you will like.
More details to follow soon.....

Some random catch up

Taking a break from my photo challenges - it has been a while since I wrote on here & I am feeling the need for a bit of blog-therapy.

Let me fill you in on what has been happening:

• I have finally taken my head out of the sand and realised that I need to get myself out of my ever increasing debt. Whatever happened to the financially responsible Flirty I once knew? I have now drawn up a budget but finding it very hard to stick to with so many unforseen expenses, and having a boyfriend who spoils me is not easy as I do feel the need to reciprocate every now and then.
• In the interest (excuse the pun) of lowering my debt I have downgraded my cellphone account - I gave up the chance to own a beautiful Blackberry Storm 2 opting instead for a cheaper package and received a stunning Pearly White 8520. I am loving my little phone and all I compromised on was the quality of the camera - my Samsung G800 had a 5mp camera, BB has a 2mp and no flash, but considering I carry my Sony with me everywhere anyway I should be fine.
• I have been having a blast withthe photo challenge and I absolutely love everyones take on the challenges - we need more of these types of challenges; photos, quizzes etc, for example: Random Fun fact days: Day 1: A memory from when you were 5. Day 2: If you could be a Disney Princess who would you be? etc etc etc Does anyone have more of these challenges out there?
• I watched Eclipse - oh man I loved it!! I love that Edward smiles more and Bella is not as jerky and stilted as she was in the past. I love that Jacob runs around with no shirt on - one of my favourite lines: "Don't you on a shirt?" Edward to Jacob. The tent scene was awesome, I loved the softer side of Edward and a glimpse into his love for Bella
• On a funny note, an email went around (I am sure you have seen it) where you take different aspects of your name and get silly things like your Gangsta name, your Soap Opera name and your Stripper name. Here are a few really funny results from my friends:
• Troy van der Merwe (she wont make it)
• Troy Muir
• Mickey Boshoff
• Tiger Easton - Mine!
• my all time favourite.... Droopy Swanepoel (she will never make it!!!)
• Kidney stones are so not fun - I was very sick not so long ago, but have kept a fragmant of the stone as a reminder to drink more water - it isnt helping though - I HATE water!
• Tee and her asshole boyfriend are moving in together soon - he has already moved into the house and has now decided she shouldn't move in until the end of August - so they had a fight about it and now they are "taking a break"
• I am not sure if I am cut out to be a PA any longer - my boss takes advantage of me and I have way too much work and I am scared that I am actually going to have a mental breakdown

And my absolute best piece of news:
QT told me he loved me! (It still gives me thrills when he says it)

I cannot believe that he and I are still together. He makes me so happy and I still cant believe that I am so comfortable with him.
I love that I can be myself with him.

I love him

Pros & Cons of dating a Toyboy

Lately my dating life seems to have become a talking point.

Why am I dating someone who is 10 year my junior?

Let me give you an honest appraisal of my relationship with QT:

Pro: I feel younger when I am with him

Con: It doesn't erase my grey hairs

Pro: He has no major baggage because he is still in the early stages of dating.

Con: He still lives at home

Pro: He isn't ready for kids yet

Con: He isn't ready for marriage either

Pro: He has a great relationship with his parents

Con: He is still very much their "little boy"

Pro: He has a very gentle soul

Con: He lets people walk over him sometimes to avoid confrontation.

Pro: He is very laid back and calms me

Con: He can sometimes "faff" (he hates it when I say that!) because he is so laidback.

Pro: He does not worry about physical imperfections

Cons: He doesn't understand why I hate it when he wraps his hand around my waist and grabs onto a Gloria roll.

Pro: He loves sex as much as I do

Con: None

Pro: He is ready for Round 2 in 5 minutes!

Con: My 31 year old body sometimes needs a teeny bit longer to recuperate (only sometimes)

Pro: I love giving him BJs

Con: I get a sore jaw every now and then

Pro: He is the best sex I have ever had

Con: How can I let him go when I know he is that good?

Pro: He loves going down on me (and he is AMAZING)

Con: Really, can there be any?

Pro: He thinks I am a Goddess

Con: Seriously, this is getting ridiculous

QT makes me feel sexy, special & loved. I am calmer when I am with him and I love being with him.

End of story

Case closed

Babies? Who me?

I had the most unbelieveable date night with QT on Tuesday.

He took me to Kai Thai in Monte Casino. I have walked passed them so many times and never even seen them.

The atmosphere is unbelieveable - and the food totally delicious.

Sitting across from QT I just couldn't believe how happy I was. We had an amazing evening, we had 1 of those evenings where I just felt so close to him. He told me that there was just something about me that night, I looked different - I remember thinking to myself how ironic,  because I am really falling for him in a big way.

At 1 stage he looked at me and was about to say something, then changed his mind - I hope it was something good.

Meanwhile on Sunday we spent a lovely day at Woodmead retail park and I saw the cutest little lion moneybox for a baby room.

My theme is going to be wild animals - 1 day.

I had this sudden feeling of broodiness - which just intensified when we went into a shop selling racecar beds and cute baby cots.

Babies? Who me?

Feelings

I had a bit of a scary revelation this weekend.

I think My feelings for QT are becoming more serious.

This is a scary thing!

QT is everything I want in a man - he talks about his feelings and calls me out when I refuse to talk about mine. He listens to my concerns and does anything in his power to help make me feel better when I am sad/sick/both.

He has the best intentions and besides the issue I have with him being a bit too available to his sisters' demands - he is an amazing boyfriend.

He goes shopping with me and tells me how gorgeous I am - every day - I LOVE IT

When I am not with him, I want to be with him. When I am with him, I want to jump his bones hug and kiss him.

The sex is mindblowingly out of this world.

I have always been very self concious and yet he has managed to break alot of the reservations I had.
With QT - I am more daring, I experiment more and I have had my 1st, most incredibly intense, multiple orgasm with him.
He makes me feel attractive even though I am going through my fat unattractive blob not-the-prettiest phase (not sure how long this will last)
He makes me happy and when I am walking somewhere holding his hand or cuddling watching a movie - I think about nothing else except jumping his bones how happy I am!
(Ironically as I write this - "Think I'm falling for you" is playing on the radio)

So why is this a scary thing?

I am 9 years (10 in 12 days time) older than him. I am ready to settle down and marry. QT is not.

At 21 he has his whole life ahead of him.

Which means I am wasting my time with him, arent I?

I just never thought we would develop into something more than a few kisses and instead have been most pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

What about MC you may ask?

I have closed myself off to considering anything with MC until the time is right.

Since asking me to visit him, he has been very scarce. This might be the right approach to "us"

I dont have anything but friendship to offer MC at this stage. QT has made me realise that I want a man who wants me 100% - all the time. MC is not ready for that - I always knew it.

He and I will give it a try if the opportunity is ever appropriate.

I miss talking to him. I miss his take on things - MC has a great way of putting things into perspective for me.

Only time will tell what who the future holds.

QT

Once again QT is proving himself to be an absolute gentleman.

He calls me yesterday after work and tells me insists on coming over and bringing me dinner.

He lay with me and tickled my back as I struggled with the pain and he even took my nail polish off my toes because the polish remover affects my fingernails.

Is that not just the ultimate man??

He bought me "Princess" by Vera Wang. I have to wait for my birthday but I am so excited! It is a purple heart with a Princess crown lid!

(QT & my work colleague GF call me Princess - I have tons of little keyrings that say Princess as well as a fun crown and I even wore a little tiara last year at my 30th)

QT just makes me so happy - I cannot explain how amazing it is to have someone who cares about me and is always there when I need him without even having to ask.

We get along so well - and I find it so easy to be with him.

I miss hime when I am not with him and I revel in the times when I am with him.

I have become one of those couples that can't keep their hands to themselves - I constantly want to be in his arms surrounded by his smell!

I am crazy about him - more than I ever thought imaginable.

Disappointment

QT suggests we go away for my birthday and I get all excited.

Today he tells me that they are racing and we can't go.


Why get my hopes up? Rather look at the schedule before even suggesting it.


If I had never had any expectations, I would have planned my masked ball for that evening and that would have been that.

Now I am disappointed that we're not going away and because of that I dont really feel like a party either.


No expectations, no disappointment.

I am feeling frustrated and annoyed. I dont want to pick a fight with him, but I can see it coming.

I had to drive to his place because his 19yr old sister does not like to be left alone at home (in a complex with an alarm system), what about me driving so late at night in the rain and on a road filled with potholes?


I realise he is stuck between a rock and a hardplace... am I being unreasonable?

Ordinarily I would have driven to him just because it is fair for both of us to take turns to drive to each other. But when I am forced to - it leaves a very sour taste in my mouth.

This will make you go "Aaah..."

Some smses I've recently received from QT - these are too special not to share:

24 April:

Hey my Princess! Ur so amazing! I just wanted u 2 kno:)

26 April:

U take my breathe away. How do u do it. ur just the best lady any guy could ask 4

27 April:

Someone asked me to describe u in 2 words, they expected me to reply "The Best" but I just smiled and said "Nothing Compares..."

Now tell me I am not the luckiest woman in the whole wide world to have this man all for myself!?

It's complicated!

I have nearly lost my mind a few times these past few weeks.

How I am holding onto my sanity - is beyond me.

Between finding a place to stay and then moving in at the very last minute to an uninhabitable place, to my (ex) house mate being downright rude to me on move out day, to work being an absolute nightmare.

The situation between MC & QT has been playing on my mind alot and all came to a head the other night.

Let me just state for the record that QT is unbelievable.

This man is awesome and I cant say enough how I wish he was older.

I had a bad week last week and the only thing that got me through it was QT. He is quitely supportive and oh so sweet.

I have been considering putting a holt on my relationship whatever you want to call it with MC. There is not much going on besides our conversations.

Yet I cant break the hold he seems to have on me. I cant imagine my life without MC.

QT was never supposed to be any more than wishful thinking on my side, then when we hooked up, I thought it was a flash in the pan.

Now I know it isn't.

I want QT in my life always - I guess deep down I know nothing will ever come of it because of he age gap - yet I hope to be there to watch him grow into the amazing man I know he is destined to become.

I am jealous of the girl who will get him 1 day.

I have been so worried about QT getting hurt - so when he told me he knew - I was devastated that he might be hurt and then so relieved when he seemed ok with it.

He then asked me to be his girlfriend - oh man how I wish I could say yes!

But that just gives me more of a chance to hurt him - and I am avoiding that all costs!

So instead I have now changed my status on Facebook - "its complicated"

That sums it up!

Keeping busy

If I had known that having a Toy-Boy was this much fun, I would have done it so much sooner!

QT is everything you want in a man - plus he has the stamina of a ... 21 year old!

He is attentive and oh-so-romantic. He thinks I am sexy and calls me Princess, Honey and Baby and Pumpkin.

He tickles my back, holds my hand & kisses me in public, is crazy about me and is selfless in the... oral department.

And he brings me coffee in bed.

If this man was 5 years older I would marry him tomorrow.

Our sex life is awesome, he loves experimenting as much as I do and he is so talented with his tongue.

With all this amazing action - Makes me forget that I am homeless at the end of this week.

Checking in

What a rollercoaster ride lately!
I must say I have been missing my Blogging  - these are my therapy sessions!

So much has been happening, so let me fill you in...

QT, what a sweetie pie. He is an absolute gentlemen and has such a good heart.

We all slept over at RaceCar and AC the other night - and QT and I stayed up chatting. And he kissed me.
Now as much as I have been attracted to him, I never imagined ever making a move to kiss him - oh yes, he is 21!
But let me tell you - this Cutie Pie can kiss!

I was blown away! and he tickles you as he kisses, and I am a sucker for kisses and tickles!

We have chatted about how we want such different things in life - his dating life holds so much more still to come! I have dated and I am ready to settle down.
So we have agreed to take it a day at a time and see where we end up.

He makes me feel sexy and I love spending time with him.

Yes I have a Toy Boy! *Grin*

MC...

I cannot tell you how well things have been going with him.
I am getting impatient though - I realise he has so much to work through and I need to be patient, but it is difficult - especially considering I want him!

On Friday we had our usual daily chat and i said how I was not looking forward to Valentines Day. MC hates VDay, he says that it is a commercial holiday designed to make money, blah blah blah.
I told him it is a chance toshow someone you care, without the need to buy expensive presents.
So he says to me, I should fly to Durban and visit him.
I decided to be spontaneous and thought - what the hell?

Hopped on a plane on Saturday and went to Durban!
He fetched me from the airport and took me to the hotel - he had booked us in to a hotel on the beachfront!

We had champagne, chocolates and fudge and I gave him a massage which turned into some action!
He took me around and showed me all the places he has been talking about over the last months and now I have an idea of what his life is like.

Late Sunday night I was back in Jhb - back to reality.

MC still has so much to work through- I was exactly where he is this time last year - so I know how he feels.

But a small part of me cant help but want him to realise that  I am the one for him.
Surely this should help him to feel better?

Overcoming Disappointments

Have not heard a word from MC since last week Wednesday.

It SUCKS.

There is nothing I can do.... I do not run after any man. EVER.

I am convinced he is back together with his girlfriend and doesn't have the guts to tell me.

I will bide my time. I am still convinced we would be good together - he will realise this eventually.

I will be there when he does, but I will not be waiting! No Siree!

Already the flirting is in full force.

I was feeling really bad about things & it sort of pushed me into going a bit further with MBA than I had intended.

Shit that man can kiss!! He has talents with his tongue that make me weak at the knees and literally had my fingertips and toes & even the end of my nose Tingling!

I know it isn't right to carry on because it might give him false hope - but right now he is helping to restore some of my confidence.

His kisses are addictive!

In other news:
The Bax will be returning to SA at the end of January - he and I have a dinner date, and I plan to fully seduce him!
Today he was saying that he turns 39 in February.
I teased him that he was old and he said, "you're only as old as the woman you feel"
So I retorted, "In that case I can arrange that you feel 30!"
I had him speechless and he laughed and said he's blushing! ha ha

I hope we get a repeat of that night in his hotel room - now that was amazing passion! My heart rate trebles when I think of it!!

My hormones are going beserk and I have been enjoying the harmless flirting with a few guys I know. (If I am very honest my heart is still sore) but nothing like good flirting to make me forget my pain.

What I would really like to do is to grab a young guy. That is my next goal - when I can pluck up the courage to do it!
My housemate has a sexy 19 year old brother who said he would do me (his words not mine) but I have a feeling he would chicken out if it had to go further.
A woman I worked with has a cute 21 year old son who is into me, but it is too close to home.

RaceCar has a really sexy guy working with him - QT... he has the most stunning blue eyes and is the sweetest guy.
I think he is into me, but it is too close to MC and I am not chancing anything.

So there go all my options... darn!

Stay tuned for the next installment of "My Raging Hormones."