How to eliminate your entire wardrobe in just 1 stupid moment

5 years ago Alex bought me 1 of the nicest, most thoughtful gifts I have ever received for my birthday: A burgundy cashmere pashmina.

Firstly, it was the 1^st 100% cashmere item I had ever owned – luxuriously soft and so pretty and 2ndly, he ordered it overseas and had a pilot friend collect it and bring it back to SA with him.

Christina travels well because she is lightweight, but warm and she folds up small, which makes her easy to travel with.

On my recent trip to Japan, I took Christina for a chilly day. I also packed the only 6 outfits I have that actually still fit me.

In the middle of the week we stayed at a traditional Japanese hotel, requiring only an overnight bag.

I was running late the next morning and somehow left Christina behind at the hotel – 3 hours away from Tokyo.

I thought she was lost to me forever.

The hotel very lovingly wrapped her in bubble wrap and couriered her to me and she was back around my neck the next day.

Upon my return from Japan I literally just tipped my whole bag into the washing machine and pushed Start. I never took into account that the default setting on my new front loader is not the same as my old top-loader (cold wash)

My clothes were all burgundy! I shrugged and thought, ‘oh well, now everything matches’

I wasn’t going to be that lucky… the dye was not consistent!

But that wasn’t the worst of it… Poor Christina was a ratty, squashed string of her former self. The victim of a 2 hour; 60⁰C hot wash.

Now I have no more Christina and no more clothes that fit.

I guess that was the excuse I needed to go shopping…. And shopping I have!

Drama-Free Please

I like to lead an uncomplicated life.
I have too much drama at work, and I really don't have the time or the energy to deal with drama in my real life too. (I like to think of work as a bad dream, something I might 1 day wake up from)

You might remember me speaking about my Housemate / ex boyfriend's girlfriend.
The day her and I moved out of the place we shared, we literally walked past each other without saying a word.
She had left me in the lurch and at the last minute told me she was moving out, forcing me to find another place to stay in a hurry.
I don't think people ever understood why/how her & I ever decided to move in together, but what they never realised is that only she understood how I felt about BD and how he was. He was a very complicated man.

Anyway, it has been 2 years and I saw her in a shopping mall. I was devastated that she had seen me, because I really feel like a gross lump of... Fat.

She stopped to talk to me and caught me up on some gossip. I really wish I had looked better, because she still looked exactly the same and I can imagine her going back to her friends and telling them how terrible I am looking.

A few hours later I saw my ex Alex in the shopping centre and again my 1st thought was: "Run, maybe he won't recognise you! Actually, he probably wouldn't have anyway

Then today my ex Cutie writes to me and I find myself wondering

Why is this all happening? 

Is the universe trying to tell me something?

I made myself a promise this weekend to tie up all loose ends and get rid of all this drama currently in my life. Not as easy as I had first thought.

I am still trying to process the whole Iron Man thing.
AK, he is an amazing man. You can't blame me for developing feelings for him.

What did he feel for me?

If anything? I can't say - because I don't know.

I will never know what went on in his head.
He and I never had the "Let's talk" conversation. I hate loose ends. But sometimes you just need to let it go & move on.
I learn long ago that I will never know why men do what they do.

It is what it is

Accept it
Move on

I'm in trouble

I have fallen for MC. In a BIG way. Yes yes I can hear you all telling me that it is too soon, blah blah blah.

Unfortunately I have never been able to choose the when or why it happens, my heart decides for me and if you thought I had a mind of my own, my heart outdoes me!

Crushes – yes I have them all the time.


Lust – yes had those too.


Love – Not often.

Love # 1:


Name: The Greek


Long term prospects: Zero


Reason: Lives in Greece & different culture


1st day of highschool (1992) – Fell in love with his turquoise eyes and light brown hair and cute laugh. I go home that day and write in my diary that I have met the man I will lose my virginity to. (At this stage I had not even kissed a guy yet!)


1993 – He moves to Greece and I get to see him once a year when he comes back to SA. Not condusive to a close relationship.


1996 – I lost my virginity to him on 1 of his visits to SA.




Lesson learnt: When a man loves you he will do anything to see you and treats you with respect.


What would I change: Have him live in SA.


Love # 2:


Name: BD


Long term prospects: Zero


Reason: Emotionally unavailable & not trustworthy.




2002 – Was set up with GC and fell in love with BD instead.


I couldn’t stop staring at him even though he didn’t say a word to me.


After a few months of dating GC I ended it and eventually in the New year I was very brave and made the first move, I was not letting him go!


After cheating on me twice we eventually ended it.


Lesson learnt: BD taught me more about myself and relationships than anyone else. He taught me that I deserve to be treated with respect (because he didn’t always respect me) at all times and never settle for anything less.


He also helped me to tame my temper a bit.


When trust is broken, you never get it back.

What would I change: More openness and honesty


More communication


Wish he wasn’t so selfish




Love # 3:


Name: Alex


Long term prospects: Excellent




I 1st met Alex in 2004 and when he walked out the door I told my colleague I was going to marry him 1 day.


He was totally unlike the guys I usually found attractive – blonde with blue eyes and a very sexy british accent to boot.


I was too afraid to ever make a move so we remained friends and met for coffee once a month until 4 years later in 2008 when he made the move over dinner 1 night.


I was madly in love with him and he seemed perfect.


He was a true gentleman, listened to my stories and even offered great advice.


Was totally understanding and supportive and I was convinced we were going to get married.


January 2009 he pulled the carpet from under my feet and told me he could not marry me even though he loved me more than anyone he had ever dated and he would have been very happy with me forever, just didn’t want to marry me.


Took me 10 months to get over the heartbreak, it almost destroyed me.




Lesson learnt: Everything I thought I wanted in another person exists – I just have to be patient until I find it


A boyfriend can be your best friend too



What would I change: His friends – I really didn’t like them!


Potential Love # 4:


Name: MC


Long term prospects: Remains to be seen – but I think there is HUGE potential


Reason: Once he is over his breakup issues…. He seems to be everything that I want in a man.


I cannot stop thinking about him. We had a rocky few days because he has just recently broken up with his girlfriend and has lost a lot of confidence.


I have a good feeling about him, the same way I had felt about Alex. By now I know exactly what I want and what traits I want in another person.


MC has all these traits.


He was extremely quiet at stages – and I didn’t know how to handle that.


Once he explained the reason behind it, I can fully understand the turmoil he is experiencing – the end of a 2 year relationship is so difficult.

For now I will try help him as much as I can from Jhb – I would like to get to know him better and it is almost a good thing to meet him like this while he is having a hard time, because I get a good indication how he handles bad experiences as well as the good.




I have the utmost respect for MC. He really is one of the few decent men out there and I love his intelligence and sense of humour.


He is kind and considerate and I love that as successful and good looking as he is, he is not arrogant.


I have always wanted a daughter with green eyes and with MC also having green eyes it is almost guaranteed!


And he likes the name Layla (which is going to be my daughters name!)




He is a fellow Gemini, so we already understand each other really well.


He also gives the best hugs and he thinks I have a sexy bum (bonus points considering I am the fattest I have ever been) and he loves giving me foot rubs.


I love that he strokes my leg while we are sitting down and the gentle kisses he gives me on my temple and in my neck. (I do wish I got more of those but I look forward to and hope that I get a chance to get more of those)


I love the fact that he came back to Jhb 2 weeks later to visit me because 1 month was just too long to wait.




He is genuinely nice to people – no just his friends – but waitresses as well (for me this is always a good indication of a persons character)


He is an animal lover and feels as strongly about them as I do.




And he loves cats, has 2 of his own and he enjoys Girly movies – could he be any more perfect??


Oh and how about the fact that I absolutely love his friends? I think they are the most awesome people!


Now tell me this: Why wouldn’t I want to marry him?

I love Surprises!!

Day 1- 31 December:



I woke up this morning with a man in my bed!

MC was due to arrive yesterday for my much-anticipated visit.


Imagine my mammoth disappointment when I spoke to him at 4pm when he broke the news that there were no flights, but he promised to visit me in the first week of January.

I made plans with Dino for a movie instead, I was NOT going to sit at home moping. (as much as I would have liked to!)


A few minutes later I get a call from RaceCar telling me they feel so bad that MC couldn’t make dinner so they were taking me for dinner instead.


I told them I couldn’t make it and he uncharacteristically wouldn’t let me out of it.


I had to break a rule and cancel my plans with Dino.


At 8 pm Race Car & AC fetched me and off we went to Emperors Palace.


We were so busy looking at the Gautrain that we missed the turn off and ended up at the airport.


We pulled over to get the Garmin and the next minute MC is walking towards the car!


That was like the best surprise ever! I didn’t expect a thing!


Even thinking about it this morning, I grin stupidly (cue floating hearts out of eyes)


MC and I sat chatting until 6am the next morning and let me state for the record – I am crazy about him!

I have met a man that actually gets me! He understands the way I think and he keeps me entertained.


Man I am hooked scared – this means that all the effort spent getting over my break up (this break up fucked me royally for the entire year) has now reached it’s end.



I am over Alex. (Hale - fucking - luja)


And now MC has the ability to break my newly mended heart.

I say BRING IT ON – I think he is worth the risk!



Day 2 – 31 December


Not going as anticipated.


A bit disappointing – I can’t figure out the sudden reason for his wall.

And no kissing or action of any sorts. WTF????

Luckily we’re going out to celebrate New Years and Racecars birthday at the Barnyard Theatre.

Happy Birthday RaceCar!

Day 3 – 1 January


Happy 2010 everyone!


Going a bit better with MC but still scary stuff. He was great last night and more relaxed. This morning – back to being reserved.


I am confused.


Why isn’t it flowing as easily as Day 1 and the wedding?

He says he is generally quiet but I have a feeling something is up.

Day 4 – 2 January


MC and I had a good heart to heart last night. (and got a little bit of naked action – high emotions and sex can become somewhat intertwined at times)

The reason for his wall?


Very recent break up with Devils Spawn. (not is words – mine from what RaceCar tells me)

He is taking it quite badly and didn’t realise how much it had affected him.


I am glad he told me and I gave him some pertinent advice – I can speak from experience after my rollercoaster relationship with BD.


He said it helped. It definitely brought us closer.


For his sake I hope he moves on – it isn’t a good place to be.


For my sake I hope he moves on – I want him!


I dropped him off at the airport today and I was relieved and sad to see him go.

He has a lot to sort through and I am sure I am not making it easier. I took major strain while he was here and because I have such strong feelings for him, my emotions are tied up with how he is feeling.

After Alex and I broke up I was destroyed. I had thought Alex was the One. And I still think we could have had a really solid marriage.


Clearly it was not meant to be.

I was beginning to give up hope of ever meeting anyone like Alex again.


And in walks MC. He has renewed my hope.


I have not felt like this about anybody since Alex and I had almost forgotten what it felt like to actually meet someone who was just right for me. I think MC and I have major, serious potential for something long term.

I hope that he sees me for who I am. I don’t want this chance to slip through my fingers.


Problem 1: He lives in Durban and I live in Jhb.


I don’t see me moving to Durban for him. (never say never, but I don’t think I could leave my friends and family)


He has just starting working for a great company – I don’t see him wanting to leave Durban to come here)

But… I will cross that bridge when and if it comes to it.

Something I remembered the other day:


A couple of years back I went to see a Psychic and asked her my relationship future.

She said I would have my heart broken by a dark haired guy and then a fair haired guy – once I had healed I would meet the man I would marry.

At that stage BD had broken my heart. (Dark hair)


Then last year (January 2009) Alex broke my heart (Fair hair)

Is MC The One?

Time will tell.